When you learn to improve communication, you will feel heard, you will gain respect, and all of your relationships will be more fulfilling.
In my last article, Better Communication in Seconds, we explored the power of being present. If you missed that one, click on the link and spend five minutes learning to improve your communications—and your relationships.
After you understand the power of being present, it’s time to further improve communication in three steps.
Motivation to Improve Communication
So often, people feel frustrated in their relationships. They feel ignored, or like their feelings don’t matter. They might feel that they get no respect. And in many cases, communication shortcomings are at the root of their problems.
Our methods of communication are formed at a young age. The ways we were treated by our parents and teachers, or the ways in which our friends interacted with us, shape the ways we relate to people as adults.
As I’ve mentioned before, the primary responsibility for improving communication is yours. You have complete control over how you will interact with and respond to others.
So, remembering that the foundation of Improved Communication is all about Being Present, let’s move on to the three steps that will help you perfect this skill.
Step One: Forget About Being Right
If you want to improve communication, you’ll have to let go of the need to be right. Maybe you were never “allowed” to be right as a child, or maybe your opinion was never considered.
Early experiences like these can lead to needing to prove that you’re correct, at all costs. It feels like validation. It’s what you felt that you needed in all those circumstances when you knew you were right, but you were told you were wrong.
If you feel this way, you might find yourself twisting the truth, shouting, or calling up others’ past sins, in an effort to fire ammo that will break them down and force them to end the exchange by saying, “You’re right.”
When communication is this poor, change is unlikely to happen. If you find yourself unable to hear suggestions or admit mistakes while attempting to communicate with others, it’s time to let go of the need to be right, and understand that mutual understanding, empathy, and compassion are far more satisfying—and the only way to truly “win.”
Step Two: Stay on Track
Active listening requires “staying in,” even if the subject matter feels uncomfortable or if it brings up feelings you’ve been trying to avoid.
If you find yourself cracking a joke or delivering a quip when you don’t like the direction the communication is taking, then it’s time to uncover the reasons behind your avoidance.
As is often the truth, your discomfort likely stems from a belief formed when you were young. What did your mother, father, teacher, pastor or other adult say to you that made you feel nervous about this subject? When “evidence” have you gathered, proving to yourself that it must be avoided at all cost? For safety? Or comfort? Or because of fear?
You might feel anxious when it comes time for serious listening. If this is the case, practice focusing on really feeling what the other person is trying to convey to you. This will help to divert your attention from how it makes you feel—and you will, by default, improve communication.
Step Three: No More Placating
If you pretend to agree with people, even if it defies your own integrity, then you will never improve communication.
It is socially acceptable to be nice, pleasant, supportive…however, it is spiritually inappropriate to avoid speaking your truth, just to “keep the peace.” In order to stand in your integrity, and hold your shape, you must work through the fear of speaking your mind. You must speak your truth with compassion.
You can do this by starting with, “For me the truth is…” It will give you the strength to speak up, and it will also disarm anyone you might feel is ready to argue. They can disagree with your position, but they cannot deny that this is your truth.
If you were reprimanded or judged as a child for speaking your truth, that may be manifesting as a fear of speaking up. Use “For me the truth is…” and you’ll never have to be afraid to speak your mind again.
A Solid plan to Improve Communication
By thinking back to our childhood experiences, we can start to gain a better understanding of why we have difficulties with communication. We can also then move forward, to gain new evidence, and to apply these three pieces of advice to hear…and to be heard.
And then, when you have practiced the above steps and feel your communication confidence building, you can start positively influencing others, to create synergy.
Are you a conscious leader? Do you have a deep desire to make a difference and create a win/win world with better communication? Whether that’s in your home, your business, your town, your country or the world? Join us at an upcoming Essence of Communication One-Day Event. It’s time to Stand Up, Stand Out and Play Big!
