Many of us are looking on in awe, as the world around us turns into something unrecognizable. Maybe the people you love are showing sides of themselves you’ve never seen. Maybe you’re finding yourself arguing over politics, race, religion, ethics…or maybe you’re feeling attacked. Perhaps this turmoil is causing you anxiety, costing you friends, or creating rifts in your family.
And in the midst of it all, you might be wondering Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?
There are those who say the coming election will settle the turbulence, and you might be looking forward to that. But what should happen in the meantime? Should you hide? Fight? Run away? Deny?
As a conscious leader, that’s not what you’re being called to do. You are called to find your calm and plant yourself solidly in the eye of the storm. Stand firm, with integrity, as the storm swirls around you, without being sucked in. Without being harmed.
You can find peace in spite of the commotion—for yourself and for those you lead.
Here’s how.
Know Your Triggers
Many of us carry around subconscious memories and beliefs from when we were young. Maybe someone put you down; said you weren’t good enough. Maybe you were compared to someone else or you were expected to do more than you were capable of.
No matter the specific type of conditioning, you might find yourself chugging along without a care…and then something is said or done that causes you to react. Your emotions are so fast and direct that you barely have time to curb them. You’re mad. You’re hurt. You want to cry, lash out or hide.
To anyone else in the room, your reaction might seem over-the-top. But to you, it’s entirely appropriate. Because you’re hurting.
But why?
It’s important for every one of us to acknowledge those things that are directing us from the subconscious. Our BubbleTalk (our collection of subconscious thoughts) is far more powerful than you might realize, and it’s driving the bus when it comes to triggers. These thoughts lie in wait, until they’re provoked. And then they lash out with erratic reaction (internal or external), instead of calm, metered responses.
This is going to require some deep digging, to get to the things you’ve been holding onto since childhood. And as you grow in knowing what triggers you, you can acknowledge it, recognize why it exists, and give it the love and attention it needs. When it’s aggravated, you can say, “Until recently, that triggered me.” Then, you will be able to move forward with consciousness, rather than allowing it to take control.
This can also help when dealing with others in tense situations. You can start to recognize triggering in others without feeling guilty when they lash out at you. Know that you are not responsible for their feelings. You can only be responsible for what you say and do, and how compassionately you respond to others.
Appreciate, to Get Along
I’m not going to confine this statement to things, or ideas, or people…because there are too many things around you to appreciate to restrict its definition.
It doesn’t matter how terrible a situation may seem, you can always find something to be grateful for—and that applies to people who disagree with you.
Even Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned (complete with hard labor, illness and solitude) for 27 years, could look out the prison bars and know that truth and freedom still applied to him, even though he was on the inside. Even after he was released from prison, he simply referred to his term as a “27-year holiday.”
Does this mean we should ignore injustices, or be so excruciatingly positive that we fail to acknowledge pain? No. We can appreciate beauty, and have gratitude for virtually anything, in spite of tough times.
Now, it’s more important than ever to take time to look around yourself and find something you’re grateful for. What has already happened today to make you smile? What can you look forward to later today or tomorrow? And most importantly, what can you appreciate right now, in this moment?
This will cause the Law of Attraction to show itself in any situation. That appreciation will come back to you—if not from the situation that’s causing you angst, then from another source in The Universe.
Mirror, to Get Along
You may have heard about neuron mirroring: where if someone smiles or sneezes, you feel compelled to do the same, because your neurons begin to fire in response to that action. But there’s a different kind of mirroring.
There’s the type of mirroring that you can use to cause hurtful comments (intentional and unintentional) to bounce right off you.
If you know you’re about to walk into a lion’s den, you can go in armed with your figurative mirror. You can also keep it by your side at all times, ready to use.
Then, when anything comes at you with the potential to cause a reaction, you can reflect it away from you. You can be impervious to anything that has the potential to knock you off center. You can deal with any residual feelings later, but that mirror will help to keep your reactions under control when you are in a tense situation.
And you can say, “Anything negative bounces off me and goes to the Divine Light.” Then any negative energy will not affect your emotional body.
“The Truth for Me Is,” to Get Along
Any time you’re feeling attacked, or if expressing yourself is going to raise tensions, simply preface what you have to say with the phrase, “For me the truth is.”
When you do this, you’re expressing yourself from your unique point of view. You’re not imposing it on anyone else. You’re not framing the statement as a universal truth, but rather, the truth as you see it, as shaped by your unique experiences. You are also setting the tone by demonstrating how everyone else can speak from their truth.
No one can argue what your truth is. Every reasonable person will recognize the fact that we all have opinions shaped by what we’ve been through. Anyone who argues your truth just wants to fight, and there will be no “getting along.”
There is one caveat for this method. This phrase should not be used to deliver hurtful statements, but instead, should be used with compassion.
Before deploying this statement, ask yourself Will this serve someone to say this? Who will this serve? How will it serve them?
Everything a conscious leader says should be wrapped in compassion (empathy) and always used for the highest good of everyone involved.
Actively Listen, to Get Along
One of the quickest ways to shut down communication is to stop listening. When you think of effective communication, your thoughts might turn to what you will say. When in truth, it’s more about what you will hear.
Avoid shutting others out with your body language while they’re speaking (keep your torso open, your feet pointed toward them, your eyes on them but not drilling through them). Listen to gain a deep understanding of how the other person views the world. Too often, we craft our responses as we’re listening, so what others say never really sinks in or becomes part of our consciousness.
We CAN All Get Along
There’s no need, and no purpose, for the world around us to be in turmoil. We are all innocent beings with the capability of communicating authentically, without judgement and with limitless compassion.
We all want the same things: to be understood, to feel important, to know we matter, and to know we can make a difference. And in pursuit of that for all mankind, we can join in this serenity prayer:
Grant me the courage to change the one person in the world that I can. Grant me the serenity to accept the people I can’t change, and the wisdom to know that person is me.
Would you like to learn more about effective communication? So you can make a difference in the world and create win/win situations wherever you go? Then I invite you to learn about the Essence of Communication, which can be experienced on its own or as part of the Conscious Leadership Academy. And if you’d like to connect with others who are interested in these same goals, let’s meet in the Essence of Being group on Facebook.
