“The Essence of Relationships part 1 – Stop Spinning Your Wheels”

There are three types of relationships – Relationship with yourself, with others, and God, The Universe, Great Spirit, Higher Self – whatever resonates with you as well as the connection we have with the planet and beyond.

Relationships with Others

Bubbletalk is the subconscious or unconscious blocks we all have.  They are the thoughts that keep us from getting what we want. It looks like a bubble above your head, just like a cartoon character. Sometimes people say things consciously about wanting a great relationship, however, your subconscious thoughts may be saying something totally different. These core beliefs are what drive the bus. When conscious and subconscious thoughts aren’t aligned, you will not be able to create the relationships that you want in life.

For example: affirmations –  little lies that you tell yourself until they become true… or not. The reason they may not work as fast as you would like is because your conscious and subconscious may not be aligned.

It’s like driving a car. The gas is your conscious thoughts and the brake is your unconscious thoughts. If they are both pressed at the same time, you are probably spinning your wheels. Your conscious thoughts might be saying that it wants the relationship or wants to improve a relationship, but your brake is saying something entirely different.

When what we want doesn’t happen, we tend to let go of the gas or our desire. We go down the road of life thinking that it wasn’t meant for us, it’s not meant to be, or this is as good as it gets.

You may be taking action in the quest for a loving relationship by online dating, going on blind dates or meetups, however, if your core beliefs are that you aren’t good enough, you don’t deserve love, you’re unwanted, you are not going to attract a healthy relationship.  You’ve got the energetic break on.

Is It Real or Is It Memorex?

Here’s the kicker – The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between an actual experience and an imagined one. Quantum physics proves that whether you see with your eyes, or close your eyes and imagine something, your brain synapses fire in the exact same way. They have also found there are 40,000 more thoughts that we have on a subconscious level than on a conscious level per day. That’s a lot of thinking.

When your belief systems form from these thoughts, you start to find evidence to prove yourself right.

For example, you just went through a break-up and you are heartbroken.  You are hurt and begin to feel unwanted, unloved, undeserving. These feelings form the belief or bubble that you subconsciously believe; that you can’t trust men or women, that you are unlovable, or that relationships hurt. This is when people put up shields to protect themselves; living in a wounded haze as you go through life.

What Comes Up Around Relationships? A Practical Exercise

A powerful exercise you can do is stream of consciousness writing.  By writing without censoring yourself or hesitating, some of your subconscious thoughts may rise to the surface.  Write the first thing that come up for each of the following:

  1. What did you hear, feel or think when you were a little boy or little girl?
  2. What did you learn from your family about relationships? What did you learn from your mom and dad or caregivers? What was your experience? Were they divorced, unhappily married? Were you raised by a single parent? Was there physical or emotional abuse or neglect? Was there an air of mistrust? Unhealthy communication?
  3. What did you learn about what relationships look like in school? Did you fit in or were you an outcast? Were you bullied? Were you a loner?
  4. Were you raised in a specific religion? What did you learn about relationships? Were you judged or were you accepted by any type of spiritual authority?
  5. What did you learn from your culture about relationships? How do men treat women and how do women treat men?
  6. Finish the sentence: In a relationship, women are supposed to be… (How are women supposed to show up in a relationship?)
  7. Finish the sentence: In a relationship, men are supposed to be… (How are men supposed to show up in a relationship?)

Next, look at what you wrote and see what you notice. Sometimes there are patterns that come up about how relationships look, feel, and the belief systems you may have. You may discover how you show up with the people in your life.

Next week we will delve deeper into how these thoughts make up our belief systems.  Until then, release the brake and move forward towards what you want!